How to leave when you have nowhere to go

Everyone who knows says the same thing: just leave. You have done the sums more times than they have. A friend's sofa for a week, perhaps, if you could bear to ask, but then what? Your mum's is two hundred miles away, or your partner knows exactly where it is, or there is no mum. Private renting wants a deposit, a month in advance, references and a guarantor, and you have looked at the figures on your phone and closed the tab.

If there are children, there is school. If there is a dog, there is the dog. If you own the house together, leaving feels like walking away from the only money you have. You are stuck on a question nobody who says "just leave" has had to answer.

This page is about that question, in the UK, with the actual answers. Some of them are better than you expect.

What tends to be going on

"Nowhere to go" is one of the most common reasons people stay, and it is a real problem, not an excuse. It is also, very often, a problem that has been made bigger than it is by a partner who benefits from you believing it. If you have been told nobody would help you, that you would lose the children, that you would end up on the street, hear that as part of the pattern rather than as information.

The honest position is this: leaving without a plan is dangerous, and separation is the period when risk is highest. But in the UK there is a system for people in your position, and most people have never needed to know it exists. Councils, refuges, housing charities and the helplines talk to each other. You do not have to be certain, and you do not have to have proof, to ask them what your options are.

What to look at first

Safety before logistics. If you are frightened of your partner, work through Is this danger? first, and do not tell them you are planning anything. Plan the leaving. Do not announce it.

Your council's homelessness duty. If you are in England, go to the council's housing options team and say you are homeless or about to be because of domestic abuse. Since 2021 that puts you in priority need automatically. They should not ask you to go back to the home, and they cannot refer you to an area where you would be at risk. You can approach any council, not only the one where you live. In Scotland the test is simpler still: unintentionally homeless means owed housing. Wales and Northern Ireland have their own routes: Shelter Cymru and the Housing Executive are the starting points.

Refuge. A refuge is a safe address, often with support workers, somewhere your partner cannot find. Spaces are found through the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247), which has a national view of what is free that night. They will ask about your situation so they can place you somewhere suitable, including with children. Men's and LGBT+ provision is thinner but exists. The Men's Advice Line and Galop know where.

Shelter. Shelter's helpline (0808 800 4444) deals with housing questions specifically: what the council must do, what to say if they refuse, what you can be asked for and what you cannot. If a council turns you away, ring Shelter before you accept it.

The home you share. If you rent or own jointly, leaving does not mean losing your rights in it. An occupation order from the family court can require your partner to leave instead. Legal aid is available for this where there is evidence of domestic abuse. Many solicitors do a free first conversation, and Rights of Women runs a free family law line.

Friends and family. Asking is allowed. People who care about you would rather have you on the sofa than wonder later why you did not ask. Choose someone your partner does not know the address of, or is unlikely to go to. Tell them only what they need to know to say yes.

Money. A Universal Credit claim in your own name can start the day you leave, with an advance while it is assessed. Surviving Economic Abuse and Citizens Advice can help you find your way through this.

One next step

The free module Leaving safely puts all of this into an order and a plan you build yourself: what to take, who to tell, when to go, what to do in the first week. It is written for people who have nowhere obvious to go. The assessment can come first if you want to see how your situation reads to the people who do this work.

If you are reading this for someone else, Pass this on explains how to do that safely.

National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247, 24 hours. Men's Advice Line 0808 801 0327. Galop 0800 999 5428. Shelter 0808 800 4444. In an emergency call 999 and press 55 if you cannot speak.