How do I leave safely with children?
Leaving with children means planning their safety, routine and paperwork as well as your own. What to arrange, what you can legally do, who helps.
You leave with children the way you leave alone, quietly and planned, but with three more things in the plan: their paperwork, their routine, and what they will be told. The weeks around separation are when risk is highest in controlling relationships, and children raise the stakes for everyone. That is a reason to plan carefully, not a reason to stay.
Before you go
Their documents. Birth certificates, passports, NHS numbers, red books, school letters, any court papers. Copies are fine if originals are not safely reachable. Photograph everything to an account your partner does not know about.
Their essentials. Medication, inhalers, glasses, a comfort object, a few clothes. Pack what fits in a bag that can be stored with someone you trust, not in the house.
Their school or nursery. Decide whether to tell them before you leave. Often a trusted member of staff can help: they can agree who may collect the children, hold a copy of any order, and keep the children's day steady. In England and Wales, schools have safeguarding leads for exactly this.
Where you will be. With family, in a refuge, in a rental. Refuges take children and most are set up for them. If you will be far from the children's school, think about transport for the first few weeks, or an urgent transfer.
Who knows. Older children may need to be told something in advance so they are not frightened on the day. Younger ones are usually told at the point of leaving. Do not ask children to keep the plan secret for long. It is a weight they cannot carry.
On the day
Go when your partner is reliably out. Take the children's things first, then your own. Do not go back for anything. If a child is at school, collect them yourself or arrange collection with someone the school has agreed to release them to. Once you are somewhere safe, tell the school, GP and anyone else who needs to know where the children are and who may not collect them.
If you are afraid your partner will try to take the children, or take them abroad, a solicitor can apply urgently for a prohibited steps order (England and Wales) or an interdict (Scotland). Legal aid is available for domestic abuse cases with evidence.
What to tell the children
As little as possible that is untrue and as much as they can hold. "We are going to stay somewhere else for a while. You are safe. This is a grown-up decision and it is not because of anything you did." You do not need to explain the other parent. You do need to let them love that parent, and to let them be angry with you, without either one being a problem.
What this might mean for you
The free module Leaving safely gives you a private place to build the plan, including the children's section. Children: what they see looks at what children take in from a home where one parent controls the other, and what helps them afterwards. Once you have left, Co-parenting when control was the problem covers contact, handovers and the child arrangements process.
This is information, not legal advice. Your position depends on your situation and the country you live in. Rights of Women (020 7251 6577) gives free legal advice to women in England and Wales on family law. Scottish Women's Rights Centre does the same in Scotland. Men can get family law information through Families Need Fathers or a solicitor.
To talk to someone now: National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 (24 hours), Scotland's Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline 0800 027 1234, Men's Advice Line 0808 801 0327, Galop (LGBT+) 0800 999 5428. In an emergency, 999. Press 55 if you cannot speak.
Related questions
- Can I leave with my children without my partner's permission?
- If you have parental responsibility, you can usually take your children when you leave. The exception is taking them abroad without consent, which can be child abduction. Moving a long way within the UK is lawful but may be challenged later in a child arrangements case, so keep a record of why you went.
- Will leaving with the children count against me in court?
- Courts in England, Wales and Scotland put the child's welfare first. Removing children from a home where there is abuse is generally understood as protective, especially where you can show what was happening and that you sought help. Leaving without telling the other parent for safety reasons is not the same as hiding the children.
- Can I get the children a place at a new school quickly?
- Yes. Children have the right to a school place wherever they live, and councils have in-year admission processes. Many schools will take children fleeing domestic abuse urgently. Ask the council's admissions team or the domestic abuse service helping you.
Where this leads
Updated 2026-10-28. This page is information, not legal, medical or clinical advice. Clearr is a paid reflective service run by a company, not a charity or crisis service.