Your phone, your money, your data

If your partner knows where you are, what you have spent and who you have messaged, the rest of what this site offers is harder to use. This module is about the practical side of that. It is for people who are monitored, people who are short of money that should be theirs, and people who are not sure which of those is true and want to find out.

How much can they see?

Spyware is rare. Most monitoring is ordinary features that were set up when things were good, and never turned off. Go through the list below with your phone in your hand. Tick what applies to you now.

Your phone and devices

Start from a device your partner has never touched. A friend's phone, a library computer, a work laptop. Use it to check what your accounts are doing. Anything you do on your own phone may be visible, so do the looking elsewhere.

Accounts. A shared Apple ID or Google account means shared messages, photos, location, browsing and purchase history. Family Sharing and Google Family Link show location and purchases. You do not need to leave the group straight away, which would be noticed. You need to know what it shows.

Location. Check Find My, Google Maps location sharing, WhatsApp live location, Snap Map and any app that came with the car. Both Apple and Android phones now alert you if an unknown tracker such as an AirTag is moving with you. Make sure those alerts are on, and check bags, coats, prams and the car. If your car has an app, your partner may be able to see where it is parked.

Photos and cloud. Shared photo libraries and shared cloud drives often sync screenshots. If you screenshot a helpline number, assume it may appear elsewhere.

Smart home. Doorbell cameras record who comes and goes. Smart speakers have a drop-in feature. If your partner set these up, they hold the accounts. You cannot easily change that while living together, but you can be aware of what they record.

Browsing. Use a private window and this site's quick exit: press Escape twice and the tab replaces itself with a neutral site. Do not clear all your history suddenly: a blank history looks like hiding. If you want an account here that leaves no trace, choose a passphrase-only account when you sign up. It has no email, we send nothing to you, and there is nothing in an inbox to find. Store the recovery phrase somewhere safe, because we cannot reset it for you.

Children's devices. Tablets and phones given to children are often linked to a parent's account and share location. If you ever leave, these come with you and may still report where you are.

Apple has a feature called Safety Check, under Privacy and Security in Settings, that lists everything you are sharing and with whom, and lets you reset it in one go. Save that for the right moment.

Your money

Economic abuse is recognised in the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 as a form of domestic abuse in its own right. It covers being kept from money, having your spending controlled or scrutinised, being made to take on debt, and being stopped from working. If any of the money items above are ticked, the following help exists.

• Your own account. Any UK bank will open a basic bank account with photo ID and proof of address. Some will accept a letter from a domestic abuse service if you have neither. Statements can be sent to an online inbox rather than to the house. If you cannot have an account your partner does not know about, the Payment Exception Service, which replaced the Post Office card account, lets benefits be collected in cash.
• Benefits in your own name. If you are a couple on Universal Credit, the payment goes to one account by default, but you can ask for it to be split. After a separation you claim as a single person from that day, and the DWP can speed it up if you tell them there is domestic abuse.
• Your credit file. Check it for debts you did not know about. Experian, Equifax and TransUnion each give you a free statutory report. Surviving Economic Abuse, a UK charity, has a guide on challenging coerced debt and a support line run with Money Advice Plus.
• Your bank's own help. Most UK banks have signed a code on financial abuse and have trained staff who can, for instance, remove you from a joint account or stop a joint overdraft being extended. Ask for the specialist team.
• Pensions and the home. Note down what exists. You do not need to act on it now.

What to photograph and keep

Take photos of these when you can, and store them somewhere your partner cannot reach: an email account they do not know exists, a trusted friend's phone, a cloud account on the safe device.

• Your passport, driving licence, National Insurance letter, birth certificate, and the children's.
• Bank statements for any joint account, the mortgage or tenancy agreement, benefits letters, payslips.
• Messages or voicemails that show threats or control, with the date visible.
• Injuries, dated, even if you never show them to anyone.
• A dated note, in your own words, of what has been happening. A sentence a week is enough.

Keep these for yourself rather than for a case. Whatever you decide, the facts are then in your hands and not only in your partner's.

What this is not

Ticking many of these does not make your partner abusive. Couples share accounts and locations for good reasons, and plenty of readers will tick several and know their partner would hand over every password without a flicker. The question is whether you could stop the sharing without consequences. If the answer is yes, this module is a tidy-up. If the answer is no, that is worth knowing.

Where to go next

• Staying safer while you decide. The broader plan that this module feeds.
• Leaving safely. When the time comes, the digital section matters most in the first weeks.
• Is this danger?, if the money items made you think about the wider pattern.