What should I take with me when I leave?
Documents first, then money, medication and the few things you cannot replace. A practical UK list for leaving, and what to do if you cannot take it all.
Documents first, because they are the hardest to replace and you will need them for everything that follows: housing, benefits, a bank account, school places, a solicitor. Then money, medication and the few things that matter to you that cannot be bought again. Everything else can wait or be replaced.
If you are planning to leave someone you are afraid of, read this with one rule in mind: nothing on this list is worth being caught packing. Build the bag over weeks, keep it somewhere outside the house, and if the day comes and the bag is not reachable, go without it.
Documents
- Passport, driving licence, birth certificate
- National Insurance number (a letter, a payslip, a photo of it)
- Marriage or civil partnership certificate
- Children's birth certificates, passports, red books
- Tenancy agreement or mortgage papers
- Bank, savings and pension details, plus recent statements
- Benefit letters, plus immigration papers if relevant
- Any court orders, police reference numbers, solicitor's letters
- Car registration and insurance
If you cannot take originals, photograph every page and store them in a cloud account your partner does not know exists, created on a device they have never used. This is the single most useful thing you can do in advance.
Money and cards
Your own bank card, if you have one. Some cash, built up gradually: cashback at the supermarket is quieter than withdrawals. If the only cards are joint, know that your partner can see where they are used and may be able to cancel them. Open an account in your own name before you go if you can. Most banks let you do it on a phone, and you can ask for paperless statements to a private email.
Health
Your medication and the children's, with at least a fortnight's supply. Prescriptions or a photo of the labels. Glasses, hearing aids, inhalers. Your GP's details. If you move area, you can register with a new GP immediately. You do not need proof of address.
Phone and keys
A phone, and a charger. Think about whether the phone itself is safe: if your partner set it up, pays for it, or has ever had the passcode, assume it may be tracked. Spare keys to the house and car if you may need to go back. Your own set, so they cannot be taken.
The irreplaceable
A few photographs. Something of a parent's. The children's first drawings. A pet, if you can. Many refuges cannot take animals but the Dogs Trust Freedom Project and Cats Protection Paws Protect look after pets for people fleeing abuse. Be honest with yourself about what is truly irreplaceable and what is just yours. Most things are just yours, and you can have things again.
What this might mean for you
If you are building a plan, the free module Leaving safely gives you a private place to do it, with a bag list you can edit and that your partner cannot see. If you are worried about your phone, accounts or money being watched, Your phone, your money, your data goes through how to make them yours again in an order that does not raise risk.
The weeks around leaving are when risk is highest in a controlling relationship, so if you are afraid, talk the plan through with someone trained before you act. National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 (24 hours), Scotland's Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline 0800 027 1234, Men's Advice Line 0808 801 0327, Galop (LGBT+) 0800 999 5428. In an emergency, 999. Press 55 if you cannot speak.
Related questions
- What if I can't get my passport or birth certificate?
- You can replace both. A birth certificate copy can be ordered from the General Register Office (England and Wales), National Records of Scotland, or GRONI in Northern Ireland, for a small fee. A replacement passport takes longer, so photograph the pages now if you can. Do not put yourself at risk retrieving originals.
- Can I go back for my things later?
- Sometimes, with support. The police can accompany you in some circumstances, and a solicitor can ask the court to order the return of belongings. Many people choose not to go back, and a refuge or domestic abuse service can help replace essentials.
- Should I take the children's things too?
- Yes: their documents, medication, a comfort object and a few clothes. A school can often hold spares. Their routine matters more than their possessions in the first weeks.
Where this leads
Updated 2026-10-28. This page is information, not legal, medical or clinical advice. Clearr is a paid reflective service run by a company, not a charity or crisis service.