What support is there for men leaving a relationship?

There is a helpline built for men, legal protection that applies to anyone, a housing duty that does not depend on sex, and the same family law for both parents. What there is less of is refuge space, and what there is least of is the assumption that you might need any of it. Most men who leave do so without knowing half of this exists.

The people to call

The Men's Advice Line (0808 801 0327) is run by Respect and is free on weekdays. It is for men experiencing abuse from a partner, of any kind, including men who are not sure whether what is happening counts. They will talk through your situation, your options, and what is available where you live. Galop (0800 999 5428) does the same for gay, bi and trans men and for anyone LGBT+. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) is run for women but takes calls from anyone seeking advice, 24 hours a day. In an emergency, 999, and press 55 if you cannot speak.

The law

In England and Wales, a non-molestation order stops your partner from threatening, harassing or contacting you, and an occupation order can decide who lives in the home. Neither says anything about sex. Scotland uses interdicts, non-harassment orders and exclusion orders under its own legislation. Northern Ireland has its own orders. Legal aid can be available for these where there is evidence of abuse, and a solicitor or Citizens Advice can tell you whether you qualify. Fees change. Check gov.uk for the current figure.

Controlling or coercive behaviour has been a criminal offence in England and Wales since 2015 and in Scotland since 2019. It applies regardless of who is doing it to whom.

Housing

If you have to leave and have nowhere to go, your local council has a duty to help. In England, anyone who is homeless because of domestic abuse is treated as being in priority need. Scotland has no priority need test at all, so the duty applies to anyone homeless. Wales and Northern Ireland have their own rules. Expect to have to say what has happened, and expect some officers to be surprised. Refuge places for men exist but are few. The Men's Advice Line knows what there is in your area.

Children

Family law does not favour either parent. Courts in England, Wales and Scotland decide on the child's welfare, and a father who leaves because he is unsafe has not abandoned his children. Keep a record of why you went and of your efforts to keep contact going. Will my partner get custody? covers how the process works.

The thing nobody mentions

Most men who ask this question are also asking a quieter one: will I be believed, and will I be taken seriously if I say I was frightened. The honest answer is that the services above will, and some other people will not, and that is a reason to keep a record and a reason to call the people whose job it is, not a reason to stay.

Hold the other side as well. If your partner has said they are frightened of you, that needs looking at even while your own account is true. The Respect Phoneline (0808 8024 040) is for anyone worried about their own behaviour, and calling it does not cancel anything that has been done to you.

What this might mean for you

The free module Leaving safely is written for anyone and covers the plan: what to take, where to go, when to go, and why the time around separation carries the most risk. The first ninety days apart is for what comes next. For the question underneath this one, Can men be victims of domestic abuse? describes what it tends to look like.

Men's Advice Line 0808 801 0327, Galop 0800 999 5428, National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247, Samaritans 116 123 if you are struggling to cope. Press Escape twice to leave this site at any time.