Who keeps the house when we separate?

It depends on three things: whether you are married or in a civil partnership, whose name the home is in, and which part of the UK you live in. Nobody automatically keeps the house because they earn more, because they were there first, or because the other person ended the relationship. If you are being told you have to leave, check before you believe it.

If you are married or in a civil partnership

In England and Wales both of you have "home rights": a right to live in the matrimonial home, whether or not your name is on the deeds or tenancy, until the court decides what happens to it in the divorce. The house is part of the overall financial settlement, and a court looks at both your needs, children first, before deciding who keeps it, whether it is sold, or whether one of you stays until the children are grown.

In Scotland the position is similar: a spouse who is not the owner has occupancy rights under the Matrimonial Homes (Family Protection) (Scotland) Act 1981, and the home is normally treated as matrimonial property to be shared fairly on divorce.

If your home is rented, married couples generally have the same protection, and the tenancy can be transferred by the court.

If you are not married

This is where the difference bites. In England and Wales there is no such thing as a common-law spouse. Your rights depend on the paperwork.

• Joint owners: you both have the right to live there and to a share of its value. Neither can sell without the other.
• Joint tenants: you both have the right to stay. Either of you can give notice and end the whole tenancy, which is worth knowing.
• Home in your partner's name only: you have no automatic right to stay or to a share. You may be able to claim one if you contributed to the purchase or mortgage, but this is a hard, expensive area of law. You cannot be put out without reasonable notice, and if there is abuse a court can still grant you an occupation order.

Scotland gives unmarried cohabitants slightly more: the 1981 Act allows a non-owning partner to apply for occupancy rights, and the Family Law (Scotland) Act 2006 allows limited financial claims within one year of separating. Northern Ireland follows England and Wales closely.

Orders that can keep you in the home, or them out

Where there is abuse, the court can decide who lives in the home regardless of the paperwork. In England and Wales this is an occupation order under the Family Law Act 1996, which can exclude your partner from the property and the area around it. It is often applied for alongside a non-molestation order, and legal aid is available. In Scotland an exclusion order does the same. Courts apply a balance-of-harm test and these orders are not easy to get, but they exist for exactly the situation where someone is frightened in their own home.

If you have to leave quickly

Leaving the home does not give up your rights to it. If you leave because you are unsafe, your council has a duty to help with housing. In England anyone fleeing domestic abuse is in priority need. Tell them that is why you left.

What this might mean for you

Housing is one of the biggest practical reasons people stay, and the real position is often better than the one they have been told. The member module Money, housing and the legal process sets out what tends to happen with the home, money and benefits in each part of the UK. If staying in the home while you sort this out means staying with someone you are afraid of, Staying safer while you decide is for that period.

This is general information, not legal advice. Shelter (0808 800 4444, England and Scotland) gives free housing advice, and a family solicitor or Citizens Advice can look at your situation. If you are not safe at home: National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247, Men's Advice Line 0808 801 0327, Galop 0800 999 5428.